Love on Valentine's Day

Love on Valentine’s Day

With the possible end of the world at hand, people have been resorting to all kinds of predictions. One Facebook post said that by numerology, Valentine’s Day will be cancelled this year since 14-02-12 = 0. Probably the mathematical statement of a broken heart, or a ‘loveless’ person. Those who are more hopeful this Valentine’s and already have partners, light a violet candle to symbolize continuity of your relationship, a white candle to symbolize the purity of your love, and so on, but for those who have no one this Hearts’ Day, pagdagkot kamo hin katol para diri kamo namokon, a forwarded message said.

Instead of lighting katol, here is an article on the internet on How to Love. It begins with the statement: While there are many different ways to define love and there are many different ways to love someone (or even yourself), here is a general guide to loving. With apologies to Keith Taylor and 159 others who edited that article, I also modify the pronouns and apply it to self-love (anyway, the article said at the outset that this can be applied to ourselves).

                How to Love Yourself

Steps:

1.    Know it. First of all you should know if you like yourself or not. (Be positive.)

2.    Watch. See if the self you are interested in is engaged with someone else, if yes then wait till they break up or leave him, if not then see if you like yourself too or not. (Of course you do; you wouldn’t be reading this if you don’t.)

3.    Say it. When you say the words "I Love You", they should carry with them the desire to show someone that you love them, not what you simply want to feel. When you say it, make sure you really mean it and are willing to do anything for that special person (in this case, yourself). [Say I love myself! (with feelings)]

4.    Empathize. Put yourself in your own shoes. Rather than impose your own expectations or attempt to control yourself, try to understand how you feel, where you come from, and who you are. Realize how you could love yourself back just as well. (Try to be more sensitive to your own needs.)

5.    Love unconditionally. If you cannot love yourself without attaching stipulations, then it is not love at all, but deep-seated opportunism (one who makes the most of an advantage, often unmindful of others). If your interest is not in yourself as such, but rather in how you can enhance your experience of life, then it is not unconditional. If you have no intention of improving your life, or allowing yourself to be yourself and accepting yourself as you are, and not who you want yourself to be, then you are not striving to love yourself unconditionally. (Be yourself, and love it.)

6.    Expect nothing in return. That doesn't mean you should allow yourself to mistreat or undervalue you. It means that giving love does not guarantee receiving love. Try loving just for the sake of love. Realize you may have a different way of showing your love for yourself; do not expect to be loved back in exactly the same way. (So maybe your disappointing score in an exam is not how you love yourself, but maybe it is when you treat yourself to ice cream after that you do love yourself back.)

7.    Realize it can be lost. If you realize that you can lose the one you love (in this case, yourself), then you have a greater appreciation of what you have. Think how lucky you are to have yourself to love. Don't make an idol of the person you love (don’t make an idol of yourself). This will place you under undue pressure and will likely result in you losing yourself.

8.    Never stop loving. Even if you have been hurt before you should not stop giving love, especially to yourself.

Pretty ridiculous right, especially that bit when you have to know whether you like yourself or not. But pretty sensible, especially that bit about not making an idol of yourself – this will place you under undue pressure and will likely result in you losing yourself. This Valentine’s, even if you have no one to share it with, at least you have yourself.

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            Lovers call this day, February 14, Valentine’s Day, ‘loveless’ people call it Tuesday. Lovers have hearts today, loveless people have hurts. However I don’t think that someone could be ‘loveless’, or that a person can have a heart so broke it can’t love anymore. These terms are probably in relation to a certain someone, but I think they should not be, for everyone.

One year ago to this day, someone somewhere left me alone for Valentine’s Day. Lucky I had different things to do so I didn’t mope. I triumphed over the evil forces of depression and sadness with a date with my Korean buddies at the Astrodome while still wearing my uniform, and a group date with my circle of friends at Mang Inasal. I needn’t tell you we were all single.

All the same, the depression of Valentine’s Day can’t get to you if you do something with it. Maybe you don’t have someone, just like I did, but you do have your friends, just like I did. And you still have a heart, just like I do. I know it because I love my favourite cheese sticks which we ate at the Dome, I love the unlimited rice we can avail at Mang Inasal, I love how I survived Valentine’s Day unscathed, although only physically. But I still love ice cream. I love adobo, halo-halo, I love Christmas in the Philippines, I love it that I go through everyday surrounded by things I love, people I love, I love it that I am loved, and I love. These I love. I love. We love. And that’s more than we can say about this jaded world, and this jaded time we are living in.